West of Ireland in Revolt as Leinster Sign Robbie Henshaw

Ireland descended into mayhem this afternoon, as it was announced that Leinster had taken Connacht golden boy, Robbie Henshaw. Hundreds of Massey-Fergusons and John Deers began to roll towards Dublin, as thousands of wellington wearing Westerners began their advance on the Dáil.

Henshaw is just the latest in a long line of Connacht talents to leave for Dublin, and it appears that the people of Connacht have had enough. “Those d@mned townies have been poaching our players for far too long” screamed one irate protester, “The time has come for us to remind the IRFU that we are a province and not an academy side”.

Henshaw offered his own perspective, saying “I helped bring Connacht back from irrelevance, and I’m looking forward to helping Leinster rebuild now.” He also felt he was doing them a favor “obviously it’s a bold call switching to a lesser club”.

Leinster, Ulster, and Munster have a bit of a history when it comes to signing talented Connacht players, and Henshaw seems to have been the very last straw. After losing Mick Kearney to Leinster last season, and then Rodney Ah You to Ulster this season, the nerves of Connacht fans were already frayed, but the loss of Henshaw seems to have been too much to bear.

“I know we’re after signing Ben Marshall, John Cooney, Quinn Roux, Matt Healy, and Fionn Carr from Leinster, but it is clear that every single good player Connacht has is being stolen.” Exclaimed a lifelong Connacht supporter. “If it weren’t for those thieving bastards in Dublin we’d be top of the table in the Pro12” said one protester, who seemed to be unaware that Connacht currently sit tied for 1st.

Connacht head coach Pat Lam was visibly upset about Henshaw’s departure, and struggled through the press conference. “I don’t blame Robbie” he said, “But I wish he had been more creative than the old ‘It’s not you it’s me’ line”. Lam stuck to tradition, ending the conference by blaming the IRFU and then launching a tirade against Leighton Hodges.

The attack of the Westerners did create havoc across the country however, as their tractors caused massive jams across the Island. “Could they not wait until the f*cking summer when they’ll be jamming up the roads anyway!!” complained one citizen.

In Dublin, preparations were underway, as a two pronged defensive system would be used to protect the capital. Firstly, all of Dublin’s worst buskers would be used to frighten the Western army with horrible renditions of mediocre songs, before an army of American tourists would be used to force a retreat. “We know there is nothing more horrible than American tourists, and without the years of experience we Dubs have, they are totally intolerable”.