RFU Looking For New Scapegoat

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As England prepare for their tour to Australia in June, head coach Eddie Jones has taken a hint from his predecessor and appears to be ready to create England’s new league convert scapegoat, in Worcester bound centre Ben Te’o. Otherwise known as “that other league convert” or “yer one who actually learned how to rugby” England Rugby is currently gazing with bloodthirsty eyes at the former South Sydney Rabbitohs star, viewing Te’o as their next target for an early call up.

“Its really a win win situation for us” said Jones, “Firstly, it helps with the argument that leaguies can’t play union because it’s too difficult, and it gives the fans an easy target if things don’t go our way. There wasn’t much that Stuart Lancaster got right, but let me tell you he nailed that Burgess situation on the head.”

Jones confirmed that he would use the “brilliant” position change plan which, pretty much ruined any hope of Sam Burgess having success, stating that he felt that “Te’o will have no problems slotting into our back row”. Jones did also mention that after Te’o finally started to get the hang of things, his position would be changed again. “We know the situation is a little different because Ben has already shown some great talent at centre for Leinster, but Burgess looked good at 6 for Bath, and flipping him back to centre put the nail in the coffin, we’re hoping it works on Ben as well.” Jones added that if Te’o did learn to play in the backrow, England would simply return him to the backline, and restart his learning curve.

Te’o, as yet unaware of England’s nefarious plot said, “right now I just want to continue to help Leinster succeed in the Pro12, and continue to prove to Sam that this Union business really is a piece of piss!” Leinster coach Leo Cullen said “we tried to warn Ben about this, we really did, but his agent would not have it. It’s a real shame because Ben was a quality contributor for us, and now we have to watch him perish in flames.”

Te’o has really been a major success story for Leinster since joining the Irish province. His physicality and offloading ability has made him a constant feature in the side since his return from a broken wrist on debut. Te’o has picked up union really well, and while you won’t see him winning turnovers at the breakdown, he gives Leinster a great weapon in attack and defense.

Jones has already secretly begun accepting bids for Te’o’s return to league once his union career is successfully destroyed, and England rugby are now returning to the convert market for new careers, and souls, to suck dry.

Aidan Clarke
Media Intern from America.

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