Saracens Banned from Premiership for Being “Too Good”

In a very surprising move, the Premiership has decided to ban Saracens from competing in all future matches and competitions because they are “too good”. Premiership CEO Mark McCafferty made the announcement Tuesday saying that “Things are getting ridiculous with Sarries” and that “the people are bored of Saracens endlessly winning. Simply put, we had to draw a line after the Wasps game”.

Saracens success this season is well documented, as they currently sit at the top of the Premiership and at the top of their pool in the Champions Cup. Overall, they are 12-0, with a point differential of +271.

Saracens director of rugby Mark McCall said he wasn’t really bothered by the decision, “I didn’t need them anyway. We are a strong, independant club, and we don’t need no Premiership.” Mr. McCall said between bites of ice cream, claiming that he “wasn’t upset, just disappointed”.

Saracens are now looking to join Super Rugby or the Pro12, however the latter seems unlikely given that the Celtic League’s only comment was “They can f*ck right off, the English tw*ts.” McCall is confident of a Super Rugby entry soon however, saying “given that some of our best players such as Brad Barritt, Schalk Brits, Petrus Du Plessis, Michael Rhodes, Marcelo Bosch, and Neil De Kock are from the Southern Hemisphere, I don’t think it would be too radical of a shift”.

The feeling from the other clubs seemed to be mutual, saying that “If the d*mned fools had followed the f*cking salary cap this never would have happened.” That said, this is very surprising news and we at RBP will keep you updated.