We here at RBP are concerned about how the Rugby World Cup may affect your relationships. So we’ve decided to put together this open letter for the partner’s of rugby fans world-wide, so to avoid as many messy break-ups as possible over the coming weeks.
scenario’s we’re hoping to avoid
Please print out, fill in the blanks (where required) and leave where your partner will find:
DEAR PARTNER:
1. From 18 Sept to 31 Oct 2015, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the Rugby World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the Rugby World Cup, the television is mine, the TIVO, DVD, Pay TV Box are all mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse at the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the Rugby World Cup period.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor….it won’t happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between ……… and …….. (insert times when live matches are unlikely to be shown in your country), unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
Oh! No you don’t!
6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, it’s only a game”, or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about rugby than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break-up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game, hence do not use the Rugby World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.
8. The replays of the tries are very important I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times, and record them.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go
b) I will not go
and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily RWC highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch??”, the reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.
12.And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank goodness the Rugby World Cup is only every 4 years”. I am immune to these words because after this comes the 2019 RWC etc.
13. Do not complain that my new beard is “scratchy” or makes me “look like a caveman”. Showing my support for the ………………………………………….. (Print your team name here) by growing a beard is more important to me than our relationship. If you don’t love your country as much as me, then that makes me sad, and you should leave. Quietly and during the ads if possible.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,
Fans of the World Cup
I love it when the World Cup ticks around. Yes my children and I have spent the last 20 years crawling passed the television on all fours during the games but this has given rise to the discovery of, amongst various bits of loose change, lost Hello Kitty hair clips, vital parts of THE most expensive Star Wars Lego model and other such wonders believed to be lost forever. In addition, my daughter’s and I have enjoyed many peaceful afternoons and evenings when he’s opted to watch the match with his equally obsessed cronies at the pub/ rugby club/ divorced friends house etc. On a couple of occasions we’ve struck pure gold when he has stayed out all night due to passing out from an overdose of Pringles. Thank goodness he was able to save himself by neutralising the effects with Guinness. Oh by the way I never worry too much about his inability to communicate even semi coherently as like most of his buddies, he is still struggling to evolve. He just can’t understand why the McDonald’s ad with the man who replies to his girlfriends monologue with ‘terracotta?’ is so damned funny. Ladies this is your opportunity to parade around in the expensive shoes you hid at the back of the wardrobe/tell him your parents are staying for a month/you’ve scratched his car or you think his mother’s cooking sucks. Lastly, if you do decide to join in, there are worse ways to spend 90 minutes than watching some pretty fit men basically mud wrestling and grappling with each others gonads – and all in the name of sport.